I should've taken that left at Albuquerque

I'll have mine with extra sauce, please.

Had I known, I would have run my own ad

Of course squirrels can read!

Ssssso, you want sssssome gasssss?

Plates are such a bother. Just heap it into a cup.

Seriously, how would a vegetarian know?

I wish I'd thought of this

This is why I became a math major. I'm ready!

You know, for dining al fresco

Warning. The great plastic flamingo migration has begun.

You can do more than "like" but FB still lacks a "you're an idiot" emoji

I would use it constantly. "Yes. Exactly. Stonehenge. <idiot emoji here.>"

An interesting challenge for the baker, at least

Sad they need reminding

Reading my textbook only to discover I'm colorblind

There's always that literal guy

Finally! A way to make golf more tedious!

Don't let your flat tire make you late!

I can seriously use a cruise right now

The joke writes itself

You can *actually* see those gazelle from here!

It's not a new thing, really

From now on I'm only buying pink cars

I'm trying to, I swear

Bambi's revenge

Mac has a "no drinking" policy

Thor really hates that guy

Pumpkin Spice is 2009. Give me a Maple Bacon Frappucino!