What I need for the New Year

The only thing better than the smell of bacon is a clever song about bacon!

You have to think about it

Um, it was a joke.

If you were impressed by Pizza Rat...

Splinter? Is that you?

Finally! A little respect

Heavy metal? Iron maiden?

Santa's little secret(s)

Joyeux Noel!

Who said a blue Christmas is a bad thing?

"I don't know. Looks kinda dangerous."

Gingerbread house? Bah! Gingerbread throne!

Winter is coming.

Do you put them on sandwiches?

"See? I *can* be a lap dog!"

I wonder what his expression would be if it were a cockroach.

Roof repair, courtesy of the Flying Karamazov Brothers!

Go ahead. Google them.

Yes, we're all excited...

But no. Just no.

Gingerbread house? Bah! Gimme a pizza palace!

We've all been there

Finally! A good use for those wiener dogs

Watch your step

Seriously. This will eat you.

You can't fool me

Because the burning building isn't problematic enough

Life in 2016 is looking sweeter!

Behold! Chocolate wrapped in individual slices. Because, what else would you put on your sammich!

Now, I wish I were a galeophopia doctor

"Doc, I'm afraid of sharks."

"Please, have a seat. I'll be with you in a minute."

No. Not really.

Mixing business with pleasure

And more such absurdities here. Thank you, Bored Panda.

I bet you've been using it wrong all this time

Sadly, a common tale

...and a particle solution in a chemist's tree!

Where I live in my dreams

Hot dog on a hot day

Yes, already I await the summer.

Explains why it's on sale

Punishment for grown men buying "gummies"

Run, quickly, down the stairs!

Why you get lost in your dreams

You know, this is just encouraging "accidents!"

Today, I'm thankful I'm not eating this

Forget the Turducken... Behold, the Cthurkey! ...with bacon.

Star light, star bright, the first frog I see tonight

Choose wisely...

Try to contain yourself

...and butter is "beaten bovine excretions!"

Rock on, dude!

No, no, don't help. Just get the camera.

Would this work for me?

Another example of the equation: Yucky thing + top hat = aDORable!

"Watcha doin'?" "Oh, just hangin' around."

Click here to see the Rainbow Warriors in action. Or inaction... whatever. Peace out!

Because writing isn't hard enough

I want to live where he lives

Snowmen can be flaky. Or have meltdowns...

The things we do to get what we want

Hard to be anything but blue

Vive la France!

You just have to close your eyes

Don't look, just eat. Buwahahaha!

The difference between the beetle and the roach

One gets worshiped as a deity by an ancient yet enlightened culture, and their image is made into furniture. The other is exterminated! 

Life is unfair...

Ophidiophobic? This will cure you.

Everything is less threatening in a top hat.